....I’ve come to realise—I
think it’s hit me now. Finally. And it’s taken a LOT of heartbreak and
heartache to get to this point. I want to know Jesus not just as my Lord and
Saviour, but as my Lover and my Friend. He is my Lover and my Friend, but I
don’t know Him as such. Not much. Not yet. But I’m starting to. There’s so much
more to Jesus that I want to know. I want to know Him deeply, intimately. I
want to know what He likes and dislikes. I want to rejoice when He rejoices. I
want to discern right from wrong as He does, I want to hate sin, I want to
recognise evil, flee from it and have no part in it. I want to hear His voice.
I want to know Him just like how I get to know my friends and my family in
daily life. I want to know Him like that. I believe moving in the gifts and the
power of Holy Spirit is such an incredible way that the Word of God—Jesus’
Word—is manifested to us, in us. It’s how we get to know Jesus by becoming more
like Him. It’s how we enjoy Him forever.
How I want to enjoy my Lord. He who loves me not for my body or personality
(though He does love those too) but loves me in spite of my brokenness. He
takes this broken soul and mends this broken soul. He loves my wounds and sees
my hurt and cradles me and carries me—He is my true and best lover. And I have
never felt closer to Jesus than when I’m open and vulnerable and humbled and can
see just how broken I am under the magnificent stars that He created and
sustains by His Word, and when my desire to know Him flourishes and when I
realise I’m only ever scratching the surface...But my desire to know Him overflows
and I trust Him and love Him even though so many things still don’t make sense.
But right now I know and I know with complete certainty that He loves me
and wants to know me and wants me to want to know Him. And His will is for me
to be made whole in Him inside and out everyday. So I humble myself under His
mighty hand. I empty myself of pride and anger and selfishness and stubbornness
and I come before You, Lord, as a once-broken-now-mended, empty jar of clay, that
You might use me and fill me in whatever way You see best, according to Your
wondrous will. It is my joy to serve You but my deepest joy to know Your heart
daily. I don’t serve a distant God; I serve and trust and love an Eternal lover
and husband and best friend. I want to know You, Lord. Please forgive me for
sinning and judging and giving in to anger, especially at my beloved family in
Christ. Cleanse me, renew me, refresh me by Your Spirit. Lord, that I might
know You better! Lead me back to Your eternal Word, and speak to me, Lord,
speak to me in ways that truly let me see You for who You are—the same
yesterday, today and forever. I refuse to doubt. I accept only what comes by
the way of the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ.
To Him, to You, be all
the glory forever & ever & ever. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on
earth as it is in Heaven. The kingdom of God is not in word but in power.
Hallelujah.
Let me never put a
leash on You, Lord. Thank You for reminding me that You are Creator and
Sustainer and Giver of all things.
~Me, 14.11.16, 1:30am
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